


Worst plan ever

by NaraMerald



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adorable, Canon Compliant, Jackson got his shit together, Mason sees a lot of shirtless men, Post-Canon, Road Trips, Season 6 Spoilers, What? He's allowed to look, Who does it better Stiles & Derek or Liam & Theo?, flaming hot mess of sexual tension and confusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 05:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13311243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/pseuds/NaraMerald
Summary: “So… whose great idea was it to travel together anyway? I know, I know, we’ve reclaimed Beacon Hills, defeated the hunters. Woohoo, go us, I mean, you know, when you bothered to call me in and all and no, not over that, can’t believe I had to find out from Derek. DEREK. He doesn’t even have a phone. It like, physically pains me that that’s a thing. It’s embarrassing that Derek…. Oooh, and shutting up now, got the message Derek, wow, if eyes could kill... zipping the lips right about…”“... Anyways I just don’t think this is the greatest idea we’ve had…. find allies, protect the weak… and we ALL have to go together because stronger together, divide and conquer, yada yada yada.  But I mean, why do I have to go on my first road trip with Theo?  Why does anyone have to go on a road trip with Theo? Why is he even here? And who invited Jackson anyway…  Theo, Jackson, Ethan, it’s like the giant douche trio. Giant bag of dic- woah, some glare there Jackson, Ethan. Your eyes are glinting a little guys. Maybe lay off the wolf a bit? You’ll get hair all over the car… no one wants that.”“…I mean, is it just me or is it the worst idea ever?”“Stiles!”“Stiles!”“Stiles…?”“Yes?”“SHUT UP.”





	Worst plan ever

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR SEASON 6. 
> 
> This picks up where Season 6 ended . 
> 
> Also, is it just me or HOW STUPID IS CHRIS ARGENT? Yeah, just walk away. It's not like Kate and Gerard survived multiple supposed deaths. Nah, they'll finish each other off for sure. 
> 
> DERRRRP. 
> 
> No one is coming back from the dead.

The motorhome is pretty silent. It’s really, awkwardly silent. Stiles rubs his hands together and breaks the silence. 

“So I wasn’t really clear on the reason I was needed in this vehicle. Just seems like, you know, almost any other car would have been better…” Stiles muses, staring wistfully at the side mirror, where the motorhome behind them, Scott’s, is fishtailing weirdly. 

“Did someone think it was a good idea for Malia to drive? It definitely wasn’t a good idea for Malia to drive,” he muses, as he sees the motorhome forcefully wrested back into the lane. 

Derek drives silently, glaring at the road. Stiles glances back into the motorhome to see Ethan smirking at Jackson. 

“So how did you two even get together? Is there some club specifically for supernatural assholes? Like, hey, if you’ve tried to kill the Beacon Hills pack at some point, sign on here…” Stiles wonders aloud. 

He hears a growling sound coming from the back. Oops, Ethan looks pretty pissed. He also looks like he’s starting to unbuckle the seatbelt back there. 

“It was the “Aiming to kill Stilinski” club,” Jackson shoots back dryly. Well, one thing, he’s hardly more pleasant but at least he’s more calm now. Stiles opens his mouth. 

“Stiles?” Derek asks. 

“Yes?” 

“Shut up.” Derek orders. Stiles closes his mouth. They drive. 

~

“I need to know though, who came up with this plan? Like who specifically thought ‘We’re going to take a bunch of werewolves, throw them in some motorhomes, and take a cross country trip to fight hunters and rescue other wolves.’ Who thought that? Because that was definitely not my idea,” Stiles mutters. 

“As if we want to be here Stilinksi,” Jackson drawls, bored, before Ethan leans over to whisper in his ear. Suddenly, Jackson smirks. They both unbuckle their belts. 

“Woah, woah, belt up guys! Road safety 101, don’t you know anything?!” Stiles throws his arms in the air. They ignore him, sliding out from behind the dining table and making their way back to the…

“No, no no… don’t do that. You’re not going to… oh man…” Stiles watches as they move to the back of the bed and then Ethan, with a smirk, pulls the curtain across. There’s no way… surely they wouldn’t… 

“They’re not going to…. You know… right?” Stiles asks uncomfortably. Derek’s lips tighten into a thin line of annoyance. 

A pair of pants comes sailing through the curtain and… 

“Oh man, I could have gone my whole life time without seeing Ethan’s arse,” Stiles groans. He’s not the only one groaning, as it turns out. 

“Can you not?” Stiles says loudly, waving his hands wildly. 

“Can _you_ not? The last thing… I want to hear… is your voice right now… Stilinksi…” Jackson pants out. 

“Ew, ew ew,” Stiles complains quietly. Derek looks over at him. 

“At least you don’t have to smell it,” Derek mutters sourly. 

Stiles rolls down the windows in extreme sympathy. 

The only thing that makes the next hour even remotely bearable is the fact that when they finally arrive, Derek deliberately leaves it until the last minute to brake as hard as possible, and they both enjoy the sound of Jackson and Ethan thudding into the motorhome wall. 

~

“I vote we switch vans!” Liam suggests desperately. 

“Seconded! Definitely seconded!” Stiles shouts quickly. 

“Yeah, I could… drive in a different van…” Lydia mumbles sickly, darting a look at Malia. 

“Well, we’ve made good time and we can camp here tonight.” Scott says peacefully, then hands out the food of the gods- Melissa McCall’s amazing roast beef rolls. They’re parked in a random carpark near the entrance to a national park, so there’s no power for the microwaves they have. Still, they sit down on the benches, which despite the remoteness, are well lit, and eat their sandwiches.Stiles has said it before, he'll say it again. Mama McCall's beef is the best in town. Malia manages to eat more than Jackson and Ethan combined, but this might be related to their disgusted expressions as Malia crams as much into her mouth as is non-humanly possible. She’s… table manners are still a thing she’s working on. 

Malia looks up, and meets his eyes, and for a second, he can’t help his face softening. For a second, it’s like they’re close again. Her wide brown eyes are so innocent looking, such a contrast to the way her teeth are ripping into the roll, and for a second it’s like they’re back in time, him teaching her to fit in. Then she stiffens and looks away. Things change. 

“Now as for the sleeping arrangements…” Scott begins, once every last roll has disappeared. 

“I’m with Scott,” Malia says instantly, bluntly. Scott blinks, in a sort of “woah, ok then” way. He’s definitely not objecting, but he’s a bit shy. 

“Well, I’m not sharing.” Lydia says flatly. This seems quite reasonable until… 

“Wait, how many beds are there?” Liam asks, apprehensive. 

“6 doubles. Corey and I are together, obviously,” Mason grins. 

“Jackson and I are together,” Ethan states, as if anyone wanted to share with either of those two. 

Stiles does the math and has a sinking feeling. He looks up and meets Liam’s eyes, wide with desperation. 

“Well I guess that means Stiles and I then…” Liam begins quickly, voice high pitched. Stiles nods, finding this the best possible outcome, until he’s suddenly moving. It takes Stiles a few seconds to realise Derek has grabbed his arm and is dragging him towards the motorhome. 

“I… wait… what…?!” Stiles flails, and Derek manages to keep him upright even as he trips over a stray tree root. 

“Wha…?” Liam begins pitifully. 

“Well, I suppose Derek knows Stiles. He doesn’t know Liam or Theo…” Lydia says thoughtfully. 

“Guess it’s you and me then,” Theo turns to Liam. 

“No. No. This is not happening…” Liam groans. 

~ 

 

“This is not happening,” Liam repeats sadly, bunching his tank top as a stress reliever. 

“Good luck blocking out reality,” Theo mutters back, exasperated, way too close to Liam, next to him on the double bed at the back of the van. 

“I’m not in bed with my worst enemy, listening to my best friend have sex,” Liam might whimper a little. 

“Worst enemy? _I’m_ your worst enemy? Not like, you know, the Dread Doctors?” Theo asks him. 

“I didn’t need to know Mason topped,” Liam gags a little and tries to cover his ears as Corey gasps out “MASON!” 

“No but seriously, not the Ghost Riders?” Theo turns to him, incredulous. 

“More, more, MORE!” Corey practically screams. Liam closes his eyes as if that will help. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.) 

“Not Mr Douglas? Not Gerard? Not Monroe?!” Theo looks like he just can’t process this. 

There’s a sort of whined hiss from the other bed and Liam thanks fuck it’s over for now. Theo rolls over onto his back, hands behind his head, and Liam wishes for the 50th time that night that he was unconscious.

~

“So… do you think we should be top to toe? You know, reduce the awkward chances? I mean, are you secretly a cuddler? You can’t kill me if you cuddle me, you know? Right Derek? Right?” Stiles looks back, Derek looks resigned. 

“We’re not sleeping top to toe,” Derek says flatly. 

“Why not?” Stiles asks, mildly offended. It was a good idea. 

“Because my sense of smell is 15 times better than yours,” Derek says, looking pointedly at Stiles’ feet and well… that makes sense. 

“Ok, then just… I… who is sleeping where? Like, I’’m… ok I’m just going to get on the bed, I guess I’ll take-” Derek looks at Stiles, unimpressed, and Stiles elects to sit hastily on the bed, pull off his shoes and jeans, leaving him in a tank and boxers. Derek of course, goes shirtless and Stiles looks away before things get awkward. He feels the bed dip slightly as Derek settles in and turns to him, opening his mouth. 

Derek sighs. “Shut up, Stiles.” 

All in all, it’s a long night.


End file.
